I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
