I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
