I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
