How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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