That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sarcasm needs its own font
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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