my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
that is very illegal...i love you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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