just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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