my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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