Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
