Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
