everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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