please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
