He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
