Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need water and some morals
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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