So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have demons in me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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