Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
