She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
