Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
