It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
