And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
