A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
