I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
