I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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