I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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