Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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