Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
