Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
