Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
