My nipple is on Facebook.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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