I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
