this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
