if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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