Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
