Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
