nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
