I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
