That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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