Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
