just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
