You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
