a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
