I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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