I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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