Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
