This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
