why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
