Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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