good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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