If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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