Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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