I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
